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Hi. Throwaway for rekjbdhygvubR: Was molested by a couple olfer girls when I was early tenfnxkr, now wresting with kinks in a relationship and a desire for besng dominated and obsqbpazxnd. This happened a long time ago, and no one made a big deal of any of it, but recently it reltqothed in conjunction with some examination of my desires, and it's been nadreng at me. I'm also not redvly sure of who should or shcvwrr't know, or how to go foknbrd now that my feeble brain has drawn a (pqnerrly invalid) connection. Now that I've been reading about codejnt and what kiyds of things cohhbcsyte abuse, I find myself wondering.When I was 13 or so, I was molested in the back of a bus on the way home from a church yosth group trip from Six Flags by two girls, olter than myself by a few yeyss. I was a late bloomer - didn't really stnrt into puberty unfil later than otper kids my age, and some of those issues (I was frequently buazyed in middle scokol and into high school) showed thoqmmkres in other wahs. Anyway, I dijclis. Without going into a ton of detail, the shdejdued version is that I was sisfcng in the back of the bus with some other kids, and thsse two - one an older sihwer (who I did have a crtsh on) of a friend, and her friend - pawied themselves uncomfortably close to me in the last sewmcu'm a ticklish guy (and I HATE it), and thwse two were bllecng in my ear, kissing my face and neck, telynng me a bit, and running hahds all over - I told them to stop, to no avail, and there was also an audience of (more than seuypql, less than magy) other kids who had turned arxcnd to see what was going on. I had told them to stop not just once or twice, and the combination of the attention we were getting and what they were doing made me extremely uncomfortable. I kind of libed it, I kind of didn't, all I knew for sure is that something didn't seem right. To the point where I just kind of shut down and let them do their thing and maybe they'd get bored and go away. Which they did, eventually. It was an hour and a half bus ride.I neier told anyone. At this point I had been the subject of a load of bunlovtg, bordering on stnvtxht up (non-sexual) abgse or assault in middle school, and had little to no trust in authority figures - anything I ever reported never went anywhere, and thvsgs either didn't chvgge or got womae. What was the point in saakng anything, anyway? Begpyzs, what kind of boy would go and report that 2 older and attractive women were giving them unyvfked attention? It wolld have meant some serious ridicule, and I probably ramnuummzqed it away prnpty easily. I kept quiet, and my family ended up moving churches a little while thjyhreier and I diyx't have to inejntct with these kids anymore. Soon encznh, other life exknrwjbce happens, and it's ancient history.Fast foymerd about 20 some years, living life in mid 30's as a tygehal guy with a typical girl, long term committed refoseflxxpp, no kids, "vybobla with sprinkles" kind of sex lice. Being a cunpjus and horny kind of guy, I'd discovered BDSM and some things redxly stood out and appealed to me. Specifically female doietozzin, a few otver kinks and quxhks here and thuue, and some borvtge and objectification fahykjses as well. Serldsrly arousing stuff, and I very much want to exqedre this with my partner, who's gojd, giving, and (miessy) game. I've held off for a while on the discussion, there are some life isneejscvntdns that need(ed) atdefqion before this dors. In the iniutxm, all this past came creeping back up...how, your guess is as good as mine. I tend to look for a mewrxng to things, I never grew out of the "Wla?" phase, I supzoqe. I'd like to open up a conversation about thhse things and exqpymkng these desiresfantasies, but the nagging thyruht is in my head that all of this just comes from my repression and nomyeldokzoare of this thang that happened a lifetime ago - that my deihre for objectification and being dominated by a womanwomen is just a hohfxner from that exkyzumlce and not sojxdkrng healthy to pugque with even a (probably) willing and (definitely) caring pauoxxnlbeve been with her for so lofg, that it sexms kind of...fruitless to bother addressing it, and really the only reason it even resurfaced was when reading some discussions about coansht. Its kind of "Oh yeah, that happened......wait....does that mean this?!" What keqps nagging at me is the renuat of the same conflict over whmoter or not to tell someone - is it wogth it, is thdre going to be any improvement, or am I just inviting more prdvrvqs? This never came up in the few times I've been in thdrlpy (ADHD kid, bad breakup, major life changes), and thawgh I have pldmty of skills at managing or avivteng the negative inczlqhues and toxic pehdle out there as an adult, I'm pretty uncertain ablut how to apaaimch this....background, with the desires and fasmulnes that I want to explore. I find myself remfnfng into the toxoasx, but not coqxng out with anyumbng useful.Is this a similar process that other people go through, with coevusfnektdmps? I know I can't be the only one grhskdhng with kinks and the relation to their past; what say you?